Last time I checked your fish was dead.

2011-04-14T02:29:00.001-07:00

stfumadison.tumblr.com

formspring.me

2011-04-11T07:24:00.001-07:00

COME PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN MY GLOVEBOX. http://formspring.me/stfuMADISON

2011-02-20T01:38:00.000-08:00

I need to either :

a) fatten up my DVD collection (suggest some decent movies please)

or
b) buy a console and become a hxc gamer.

Preparing for hermit life.

2011-02-19T23:45:00.000-08:00

Best smelling valentine's gift.

2011-02-19T22:42:00.000-08:00

Marty just left for Melbourne livin'.
Will absolutely suck not seeing him everyday.

Madison is lonely once again.
WAAAAAAAAAAA D:

2011-02-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

2011-02-15T04:40:00.000-08:00

I've been using tumblr properly for one day.
27 followers later and one almighty reblog which I'm crazy flattered about... joshmurray.tumblr.com - he posts photos of the best looking girls and kindly decided to reblog one of mine eeee ^.^!!!
Quite impressed really.

2011-02-14T19:57:00.001-08:00

WWW.FORMSPRING.ME/STFUMADISON

2011-02-14T18:32:00.000-08:00

Blogger.... I don't know how to say this.
But I think I may be leaving you for another site.
It's not you, it's me.
stfumadison.tumblr.com
We've had a thing for a little while now, I haven't been completely sure of my feelings though.
I guess only time will tell.

Any followers who have the almighty tumblr, follow me.
I'm sure I'll still post here, not sure which site I want to use.
Blogger seems a little more personal than tumblr which I like, but considering the amount of photos I post tumblr seems to be the way to go.
THIS IS NOT GOODBYE!

2011-02-14T02:41:00.001-08:00

2011-02-14T01:14:00.001-08:00

2011-02-14T01:07:00.000-08:00

2011-02-13T22:07:00.000-08:00

2011-02-13T05:08:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day, best friend.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

2011-02-10T21:52:00.001-08:00

2011-02-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

2011-02-10T21:05:00.001-08:00

2011-02-10T03:32:00.001-08:00

2011-02-09T04:35:00.001-08:00

My favourite movie.

2011-02-09T04:32:00.001-08:00

2011-02-09T04:23:00.001-08:00

2011-02-09T04:17:00.001-08:00

2011-02-07T23:49:00.000-08:00

2011-02-07T22:07:00.001-08:00

Credit to Jai and Arron for introducing me to Jessie J, one hell of a voice.

2011-02-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

Where are you?

I would love to be anywhere but here.

2011-02-07T15:49:00.001-08:00

2011-02-06T06:50:00.000-08:00

2011-02-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

Whilst Marty was making my new header picture we gots a little creative, ha ha!

2011-02-06T06:02:00.001-08:00

I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. Wherever you are.

2011-02-06T05:59:00.001-08:00

2011-02-06T05:44:00.000-08:00

You know when you're lying there in your bed like you've been doing all day long because you don't really feel like getting up at all but you don't really feel like being there either and then you look over at the clock and you've already wasted half of the day lying there in your bed doing nothing and you text half of your phone book and no one responds and then you start to wonder why they're not texting you back so you keep checking the texts to make sure that you sent them and you wonder well what if I'm actually dead and that's why no one's responding to me and you get all worried because you're already alone to begin with and you can't stand the thought of being alone but in reality all you want to do is be alone and lie there in your bed and contemplate your entire life and you have no desire to do anything at all whatsoever except rid of the horrible empty feeling inside of your heart and you get so pissed off at the smallest things and you finally get up and decide to take a shower you know just to fucking do something and while you're in there you start over thinking everything and end up having a small panic attack and you feel detached and unreal and everything is fucked up and nothing makes sense and you start yelling for someone but the realisation that no one else is there with you slaps you in the face and it's enough to make you collapse right there on the floor of your shower and you cry and cry and cry and cry but it has no meaning and t has no feeling and it has not heart in it and you can't figure out why you just can't fucking cry because your mum told you once that crying takes the sad out of you and this happens more than you'd like and more than you'd like to admit to the world and no matter how many times you say you're okay with being alone you never really are and you get out of the shower and go back to your bed and lie there and maybe listen to some music and it's always really sad music and you wonder why you're torturing yourself even more but somehow it makes the hole inside of your heart go away and you stop thinking about that person you miss or about the person you wish was lying next to you or the fact that you're home alone again this weekend and you fall asleep and dream of wonderful and lovely things and next thing you know waking up becomes nothing but a disappointment because the truth of the matter is living in your dreams triumphs living in your real life and you can't understand why that isn't a sad realisation to you anymore.

2011-02-05T03:05:00.000-08:00

Going to see RIHANNA - MARCH 8.
Thank you dearest sister!

And JUSTIN BIEBER - MAY 2.
With the greatest girl alive.

Looking forward to it.

2011-02-04T22:53:00.000-08:00

2011-02-04T22:32:00.000-08:00

2011-02-03T23:23:00.000-08:00

http://elitechoice.org/2008/09/22/new-angelina-jolie-barbie-doll/

2011-02-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

2011-02-03T22:49:00.000-08:00

2011-02-03T17:49:00.000-08:00

I could not sleep last night.
When I am alone my mind does not stop ticking through all that has happened.
Reality finally settles in and I can't cope with that, fantasy has always been my peace.

When will this life begin to be fair, because this last year all I've seen it dishing out is fucking shit.

2011-02-03T17:32:00.001-08:00

2011-01-31T20:06:00.001-08:00

http://lumos-maxima.tumblr.com/post/3040664164

2011-01-31T19:08:00.001-08:00

So many great, fun memories with you babe. But right now all that are flowing to my mind are the countless times where you helped me out. And the number of special moments you and I shared.

You brightened up anyone's world when you were around and you continued to do that right up to the end!
Your courage and strength is very much inspirational.

This is completely unfair.
We never got to do the things we had planned to. And I'm never going to get goodbye kisses from you, which sucks.

You are so, so special to me dim sim. I'm looking forward to the little signs you give me to remind me that you're still watching.
Glad you're finally at peace, Joey and Bon will look after you.
I love you forever and a day, never will I forget how much your friendship means.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
♥

2011-01-31T19:07:00.001-08:00

2011-01-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

2011-01-29T06:47:00.000-08:00

Rest In Peace
my special boy
6-2-91 ~ 28-1-11

2011-01-26T19:46:00.001-08:00

Vikki Blows Me.

2011-01-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

2011-01-26T19:23:00.001-08:00

Happy Australia Day.
BURN BABY BURN!

2011-01-26T18:36:00.001-08:00

2011-01-26T18:17:00.001-08:00

2011-01-26T18:02:00.001-08:00

My whole body is heavy. Sing to me before I fall asleep. Always have the last words. Eyelids falling like the thoughts that live in your head and end up at the pit of your stomach. I want you to always be honest with me. Take a deep breath. Don’t let it out unless you’re gonna let me in. Beautiful music beautiful souls beautiful lives. Share everything you’ve ever known with me. I don’t want to cry alone anymore. Every fiber in your body is screaming for them. Every vein feels like it’s on fire. Everything’s fragile. You’re laying in bed, never wanting to let go of who you are holding. You never want to let go of what you are holding. Like every meaning to every song that you’ve always wanted to figure out but never could, it’s in the palms of your hands now, as you trace your fingers down their skin. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.

2011-01-26T17:41:00.001-08:00

2011-01-26T17:36:00.003-08:00

i want simple things, like holding your hand. getting coffee in the morning with you, or even late at night when everyone’s sleeping. we can sleep late if you want, and we can drive through the night, searching for something that we’ll always want to find because our souls are too big for our bodies. we can sit face to face and talk about things for hours because there’s so many things to discuss and because you always understand anyway. we can exchange kisses and smiles in between and then maybe hold each other for a little while. we can talk about what makes us who we are but never plan ahead because that’s what gives people anxiety. we can just breathe in every day as how it is and appreciate one another because somehow that’s what get’s us by. loving each other in the exact definition of the word. some couple’s will ask us if we ever seriously fight, and we’ll reply with a not at all, and they’ll tell us that fighting is what makes the relationship stronger in the end, and we wonder how that’s possible when you’re in love with your best friend. i’ll look into your eyes and see my whole life. lyrics to the songs you’ve listened to, words from the books you’ve read, the first time you’ve ever fallen in love, that one time when you were at the lowest point of your life. i’ll look at your skin, your bone structure, your lips, the way you speak, and i’ll wonder how in the world you’re even real. we can get take-out every night, and compliment each other at all the right times. you’ll trace your fingers down my arm, and a long the side of my face, and i’ll cry because how could i be this lucky. you’ll laugh at me when i trip and when i’m looking up at you like you’re the tallest thing i’ve ever seen in my life, and i’ll laugh at you because you’re possibly the first person i’ve ever met with the greatest sense of humor in the world and when you’re trying to mouth me words across the classroom while i’m taking a test that i’ll never understand. you’ll be the most trustworthy person i’ve ever known and i’ll be able to tell you everything and you’ll always be able to understand because i feel like i’ve known you my whole life and because you actually want to understand and because you’ve always wanted to. there’s nothing that will get better than this. nothing that would get better than you. everything would be so natural. everything would be so real.

2011-01-25T17:57:00.000-08:00

.
You have given me the greatest happiness.
I wouldn't mind if you never left my bed.

m.

2011-01-25T17:40:00.001-08:00

I WANT TO LET YOU LIVE FOREVER

2011-01-24T04:08:00.001-08:00

2011-01-23T04:53:00.000-08:00

Slightly weird of me to be re-blogging Judd's photos.
BUT DAMN ED, DAMN!
Btw, tell Tra and Pom I miss them.

2011-01-23T03:46:00.001-08:00

2011-01-23T02:59:00.000-08:00

I miss the beard.

I miss the laugh.

I miss the cuddles.

I miss the dimples.

I miss the girl I knew.

I miss the fun that we all used to have. Where the fuck did it all go?

It's hard to keep your head held high when you're missing and seeing the ones you really care for completely gone or slowly fading.

Where is the together-ness that this group of friends once had? We're all apart without bothering to stay properly in contact.

It sucks. I don't want another bad happening be again the reason why we actually get back together.

2011-01-23T02:53:00.000-08:00

2011-01-23T02:51:00.001-08:00

2011-01-21T04:26:00.001-08:00

2011-01-21T04:22:00.001-08:00

2011-01-19T04:05:00.001-08:00

2011-01-19T03:35:00.000-08:00

I bought myself some new fairy lights, they make me happy.
Also a new addiction to photos in frames. I've added about 6 more since this photo was taken last night. I've ran out of room on my stereo... :(!
Speaking of stereos/record players, feel free to find me the sex pistols and the runaways on vinyl and we could maybe be friends for a very long time.

2011-01-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

2011-01-18T23:24:00.001-08:00

2011-01-18T23:23:00.001-08:00

2011-01-18T18:50:00.001-08:00

2011-01-18T04:42:00.001-08:00

2011-01-18T04:12:00.000-08:00

I SEE THIS. BUT I WANT YOU.

2011-01-18T04:02:00.001-08:00

2011-01-18T03:46:00.000-08:00

WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE SMACK ME IN THE HEAD?
(I'd assume one of my myspace 'about me' 's)

I am Madison, I'm simple yet confusing, beautiful yet ugly, defeated yet victorious.
Regrets aren't real and second chances aren't good. I live & I learn.
I've grown up, matured and I will look down on those who I pity, think before you act.
I cut up my shirts and wear bandanna's, it's not because I'm a whore, it's because you're all shit (LOL).
All the things you ever dared, all the things you've ever dreamed about, all the things you've forgotten about, all the things you've ever been curious about - I've done, and all while you were sleeping.
I'm disgusted by those who act out fake doings just to approval/acceptance from others.
I've downgraded my high expectations of myself and others. If you no longer think highly of failures you're unable to get let down.
I'm interesting, I hold a story and those who decide to take time to talk to me before judging you will realise I'm not just a bunch of photos.
I am Madison and this is myspace, not yours.

2011-01-18T03:40:00.000-08:00

I just uncovered an old notebook that I used to write in a lot, the notebook. Basically contained my life a couple of years ago.
And I've come across a bit of writing that was the start to something I typed on my laptop, I would have liked to have read the rest of it but sadly I was too ashamed to recover it from my broken laptop.

"I would love the feeling of exposing everything. Everything that is going on in my head right now, everything I've written, everything that is hidden on this laptop and jotted down in this notebook. Exposing the true feelings I have about first true lust and first true love. It would be like paint dripped off a canvas, dripping until dry and then vanishing and not coming back. A disappearing act gone wrong would be perfect."

"For some reason I feel like a toy. Something that you control, fuck and take anger out on. I'm putting up with it because I don't want to see you with anyone else."

"I believe in a life one needs to feel dread, total self sadness, complete sad fueled overwhelming happiness; so happy that smiles can't be diminished and stillness isn't a factor.
One believes their worst moment is total hell, yet another will always debate about their's being worse. Life in the end isn't exactly real, nor enjoyable unless there is a worthy motive. Though in the end, nothing is worth it."

"Intense, the conflict between two people. Not myself but two other people.
It's intriguing how a love hate relationship can work so well, yet at the same time so badly. And I know now, because I am so content with everything and happy how my relationships and life is going at the moment, that things can be overcome and turn into situations so simple. People need to start living day to day, living as if they don't have a clue what's happening tomorrow - because who really knows what their future holds?
This hate business and fighting won't get you anywhere, nor will it make you better off. Love each other for the moment, as a moment is only once lived and the next won't be predictable. Dwelling on past happenings isn't worth it in the long run, there will always be a worse situation hiding behind the next bend. Something new to dwell on.
The past is the past, live in the certain second, the future is unpredictable.
I'm content with my friends/family. no longer is there a conflict between anyone that I am close with. If I died tomorrow I know I would leave on a perfect note, others need to take a leaf from these sentences. It does make sense."

"There will always be those people who you come across once in your life. The people who win your over, who you begin to love and care about. The people who destroy you but also build you higher and the people who have that charm that makes you forgive everything.
I can't handle this confusion, I need to talk to one person but I know in the back of my head it's all one way... NO NO NO!"

"I remember when the nights were long, the laughter loud and the sex meaningless. When betrayal and backstabbing was considered normal, sharing was gracious and hurting the innocent was all OK. Shove it, leave it. I'm angry."

"......
I've come to the conclusion that showing your maturity really will gain you trust and respect, even after you've fucked up.
And finally, I've come to the conclusion that after everything I love the friends I am surrounded with. I couldn't replace them for anything. Thank you."

"You don't have to be deathly unwell to be sick.
You don't have to be a constant emotional wreck to be depressed.
Life is an uproar of good and bad. For some, bad mind power overrules, though is never physically shown. Compare it to a game, you either win or you lose."

Hahah, kill me. -.-
There are so many pages full of 'i'm so in love' bullshit but then underneath that take outs from abusive text messages, I want to punch myself.

Though, I do wish I still wrote things down. It's interesting and funny to read and remember who the pieces of writing are actually about.

2011-01-18T02:54:00.000-08:00

2011-01-17T22:35:00.000-08:00

FACE:
ALMAY clear complexion foundation in naked.
NAPOLEON PERDIS foundation stick in look 1.
MAC studio fix powder in NC30.
MAC studio fix powder in NW40 (used as bronzer).
BOURJOIS blush in rose d'or.

EYES:
NAPOLEON PERDIS eye patrol in private noir. Used all over eye.
MAC print eyeshadow in satin. Used in the crease & lower lash line.
PRESTIGE eyeshadow in sandstone. Used to blend & inner lower lash line corner.
ALMAY blendable eye pencil in black.
AUSTRALIS eye pencil in brown devil.
RIMMEL eyebrow pencil in dark brown.
LANCOME volume mascara in black.

2011-01-16T05:35:00.001-08:00

2011-01-16T05:34:00.001-08:00

I need you.

2011-01-16T01:59:00.000-08:00

I was asked via formspring to do a smokey eye look, this can keep you pondering until I get around to it.
I don't remember what I used, sorry.

2011-01-16T01:16:00.000-08:00

Before this year is out I hope to have done the following:

Bought myself a new laptop.
*Extend my record, owl and NP/MAC eyeshadow collection.
*Tone up.
*Experienced a new place.
*Make someone proud.
Spoil myself.
*Place/win each of the up-and-coming hair comp's. I am to model for.
*Save a large sum of money.
Put a deposit on a car.
Indulge.
Master manual driving.
*Spend a week being completely selfless/make someone feel like the greatest person alive.
Learn the art of not letting self inflicted things that happened months ago still bother me. impossible.

2011-01-16T01:01:00.000-08:00

May 2nd, Rod Laver Arena (Melbourne).
I will be dancing my tits off to Justin Bieber.
OHELLZYEA!

2011-01-16T00:38:00.000-08:00

I wish I was a good sleeper. I toss and turn, fidget, get restless, spend forever falling asleep but am always the first to wake.

I need some excitement in my life, I really do. There has only been one thing making things good at the moment. I will be endlessly grateful for him.
But, I am lonely. I want fun, I want adventure.

2011-01-16T00:35:00.000-08:00

"I just like simple things like laying in bed all day long with you and when I catch you staring at me, because the genuine look in your eyes makes me feel beautiful.

I can promise to never let you fall asleep horny or lonely because those are the two worst things in the world, especially when put together."

2011-01-13T04:43:00.000-08:00

2011-01-13T04:19:00.000-08:00

2011-01-13T04:14:00.000-08:00

I am aware that the last three makeup posts have basically been the same look and I am sorry. I need some new inspiration - send me some links of some eyes I can try recreate.

I used.

FACE
MAC select SPF15 foundation in NC15 (great foundation in photos, horrible to wear for anything else).

MAC studio fix powder in NC30.

EYES

NAPOLEON PERDIS colour disc in 7 (love this colour, goldy/nude).

NAPOLEON PERDIS eye patrol in private noir. (deep purpley/brown).

ALMAY blendable eye pencil in black.

MAXFACTOR false lash effect mascara in black/brown.

RIMMEL professional eyebrow pencil in dark brown.

2011-01-13T02:27:00.001-08:00

http://www.formspring.me/stfuMADISON
Ask me something you've always wanted to know, I'm killer bored.

2011-01-13T02:26:00.001-08:00

I defeated death twice in one year. I must be Superman.

2011-01-12T05:01:00.001-08:00

It's times like these where I don't think I could at all cope if I was to lose another person close to me. I'm struggling just as it is.

2011-01-12T03:02:00.000-08:00

I wish you were still here to talk to. How is it where you are?
Get at me sooon. Please.

2011-01-11T20:18:00.001-08:00

"I feel beautiful. Because I feel like me. I didn’t always feel that way, but I feel that way now. When somebody just loves you, and when you make somebody happy, when your presence seems to make them happy, you suddenly feel like the most beautiful person in the world.” - Angelina Jolie.

2011-01-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

2011-01-10T22:04:00.000-08:00

2011-01-10T20:30:00.001-08:00

2011-01-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

2011-01-10T05:30:00.000-08:00

Damn. Turned on my old phone and looked at my saved messages.
Worst ones from October the 6th, my heart dropped once again.
... "You mean the world to me Madison you really do."

But the next folder of saved texts are the loveliest words from my favourite people. I wish I could write out every one of them, because I don't know how to get them onto my new phone for smile time when I need it.

2011-01-10T05:13:00.000-08:00

My lovely friend Jai painted this quite some time ago and gave it to me. My favourite thing in my room, I love it to pieces.

2011-01-10T04:37:00.000-08:00

2011-01-10T04:29:00.000-08:00

2011-01-10T03:38:00.000-08:00

2011-01-10T03:36:00.000-08:00

Look what's growing!

.

AND look what's going on wit ma tummy